


Dude, Where's Your Dick

by vbligs



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: basically tuckers trans and "????" because he didnt kmow med was too, canon typical language, tucker/ned if you squint lmao, uhhh anyways this is self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-11 22:05:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19551064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vbligs/pseuds/vbligs





	Dude, Where's Your Dick

"Ned, come _oooon_ , dude! Save some hot water for the rest of us!" Tucker's wheedling slices through the relaxed haze of Ned's steam filled shower, the gentle prodding of new scars and the thoughtful washing of old ones.

"I would like a hot shower, yes," Caboose's soft voice filtered through, making Ned's eyebrows twitch and mouth tingle. A sigh falls from grinnning lips and he shuts the water off with a grumble, popping vertebrae 1 through 10 in his neck.

He shoves his good arm out, slaps at a warm fleshy body and pushes it away when he hears Tucker make a noise - no towels.

Fine. This is just ... fine.

Ned rips the curtain back, and glares out through the steam clouds obscuring his vision, absentmindedly picking at the scar that pulls over his mouth.

"Lavernius. Michael," Ned nods to each of the Blues in turn, pushing deep brown hair from his eyes as he looks around, scouting for his arm. He makes eye contact with Wash, who in turn jerks his head to signal where the arm lies, "David."

He stretches.

Waits.

And then Tucker starts spluttering.

"Dude, where's your _dick?!_ "

"You think I shower with my packer?"

"Well, no, but I -"

"Thought I was cis?"

"Yeah! I thought you just - you didn't like showering around other people, not -"

"That I was trans? Lavernius, please, you're smarter than this," Ned turns, and Tucker's jaw _drops,_ eyes openly raking over the ex-Freelancer's built body, catching on the old marks and tattoos and wounds that marked him as a soldier, speechless (for once.)

"Why do you think Wash always guarded the showers?"

"Because his name is the showers because they both wash!" Caboose pipes up, smiling brightly and redfaced as he offers Ned a spare standard-blue towel.

It's enough to get Ned laughing as he reattaches his arm and wraps the towel around his waist, clapping the three on the shoulder, before walking back out into the open, still laughing all the way back to barracks.


End file.
